Jake Story
“No baloney news”
Jake Story is KNOW’s conscientious yet worn producer who battles the baloney to air credible news stories. A lifetime bachelor, when he’s not working or fending off his station manager’s latest pitch to increase ratings, Jake is usually bending his elbow at the Rowdy Sloth, drinking single malt scotch and thinking about less cyber-centric days.
Gen Handler
“If there’s news, I’ll find it.”
Gen Handler is KNOW’s experienced and quick-acting assignments editor. Her job is to find news stories Jake wants to produce before sending news crews out to cover them. Her Crow heritage makes her a natural scout for news and information along with being the news team’s pop culture expert. When she’s not channeling news to Jake, she pursues the stuff that will make her healthy and wise.
Barb Speaker
“Lying to me would be a big mistake.”
Barb Speaker, KNOW’s acerbic, senior news reporter, can counter any spin with blunt force comments or questions. A hard-driving professional, she would rather black an eye to get a story than brown a nose. With the exception of Jake and Gen, her world has two types of people: those who are afraid of her and those who should be.
Cam Trainer
“I shoot first, somebody’ll ask questions.”
Cam Trainer is KNOW’s news photographer/editor, who never sweats the small or any other size stuff and likes his job because it allows him to maintain his razor sharp apathy. A serial insouciant, Cam sees the world as a giant play performed for his enjoyment. When not working, he goes to the Rowdy Sloth where he can indulge his three main interests: beer, sports, and cheeseburgers.
Bosky Deal
“Ratings matter most.”
Loaded with lounge-singer sincerity, Bosky Deal is KNOW’s slick station manager. His goal is to make KNOW News number one at all costs, as long as they’re cheap. To this end, he regularly presents Jake with inane ideas to boost the station’s news ratings, which are drawn from his seemingly bottomless well of schemes.
Ebb Swanky and Flo Styles are the co-anchors of KNOW’s Swanky Styles News Report. Cooked up by Bosky for a sweeps week premier, the show is based on his broadcast marketing principle: if news is delivered by one anchor that sounds good and another that looks good, it must result in a good news show.
Ebb Swanky
“Grouchy is underrated.”
Ebb Swanky, KNOW’s senior anchor and universal-curmudgeon blessed with unmatched superiority. He is a card carrying elitist and can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. Ebb started voicing his criticism of the world as soon as the silver spoon he was born with was taken out of his mouth.
Flo Styles
“Beauty is my brand.”
Flo Styles, KNOW’s female anchor, is completely occupied with her own appearance and was the subject of the only documented case in which someone actually wore out a mirror. Apparently, the poor mirror’s reflective capacity was dulled to death after being choked with more than a zillion images of Flo. While she’s a complete TV news illiterate, Flo’s job is secure as long as Bosky likes her looks. So, she’s willing to undergo any cosmetic or wardrobe changes to comply with the latest appearance parameters Bosky’s marketing team has identified as having tested well with audiences.
Governor Dailey Dodge
“The First Amendment is overrated.”
Former building contractor, Governor Dailey Underwood Dodge, whose self-selected ethical and accountability boundaries are 24-time zones wide, is the ranking political figure covered by the KNOW news team. Brandishing a sun-sized ego, Dodge acts more like a king than a governor. He runs his administration with all the tornadic spin and smoke required for a completely opaque administration; and, when dealing with the press, he would rather tell reporters what to think than answer questions.
Lyman Wiles
“Being rich is best.”
President and CEO of VenalCon, Lyman Oliver Wiles, and founder of the LOW Network, started as a TV evangelist. His network programs were sponsored by his own spiritual and homeopathic food products company. The company grew to a kazillion-dollar conglomerate by acquiring weaker companies and by dominating the internet with VenalCon marketing collateral. He also publishes LOW magazine, which features his picture on the front page of every issue. And, unlike responsible corporate leaders who believe consumers should be taken seriously, Wiles believes they should be seriously taken.